players: kissingchaos, hazeltea
notes: It's good to be home. XD (OMF I USED POTTY WORDS.)
seek was awoken from a sound sleep by the smell of something buring. Sunday morning. He had overslept...and Susu was apparently attempting to cook. He leapt from his bed, throwing a soft robe around himself as he stumbled out of his room and down the hallway, blearily waving away the smoke that curled throughout the house. "Susu..?"
"Yeah?" called Susu lazily, tapping the spatula impatiently on the counter as he tried to cook too much omlette at once. "Late night, huh bro? How's it going?"
seek blinked at his younger brother a moment, reaching out to turn down the heat on the stove as he smiled sheepishly. "Long week. Sorry I wasn't up sooner." He eyed the lumpish pile of yellow goo apprehensively.
Susu smiled. "It's ok, you need to sleep. You know how you are, you wouldn't have woken up if I kicked you anyway. Want some food?"
seek looked at the mess again and whimpered mentally. Bravely, he conjured a smile. "Sounds good," he said, moving slowly to the table to await his eggish doom. "Anything in particular spawning this sudden burst of domesticity?"
"I just thought that you were working so hard lately, you deserved a break." Susu said proudly, depositing a plate of rice and soggy egg to seek's place setting. "Now, if we could only find you a girlfriend too, we'd be all set. I guess I'm not one to talk though, huh?" he asked wryly, shoveling a dribbbly piece of omlette into his mouth.
seek nibbled at a lip ring, rubbing at his eyes before digging in, forcing a smile as his teeth ground over bits of eggshell. "Is that so?" he asked neutrally, feeling a headache coming on.
Susu chucked and punched his brother's arm. "Yeah, I think you need an outlet to relieve stress."
seek's eyes widened. "Susu!" He fought off a blush, remembering his quick elevator goodbye with Yura.
Susu laughed."What about Keiko at the clubA? You know, the hostess? Maybe she'd go out with you -- if she can stand your face that is." Susu smiled again
seek laughed. "Saa ... picking people out of random, are we? I don't even know her very well, Susu." He poked at his eggs again, searching for resolve to finish his meal. He'd never thought it possible to demolish rice beyond edibility, but the proof sat in a soggy pile, most of the small grains ranging in color from dark brown to black. "Wow."
Just then, the phone rang. Susu chuckled. "looks like you're working today huh?'
seek groaned, burying his face in the huge lapels of his robe. "Tell 'em to go away." He grumbled, looking balefully at the telephone ringing cheerfully on the other side of the room.
Susu answered the phone and handed it to seek several moments later. "It's a guy," he said. I said you weren't home and he said I was lying. Guess they must be understaffed, huh?" Susu chuckled.
seek sighed and took the receiver, cradling it between his chin and shoulder. "'ello?" he asked sleepily, closing his eyes as he began the mental count down to work preparation.
"Hey, you," said a soft, sleep-slurred voice. It was Yura. Seek blinked in surprise.
Hurriedly, he turned away from his brother to hide the brilliant blush that rushed over his face as he heard Yura speak. He took a deep breath, then started again. "Hey," he said quietly, his voice softened by the smile that stole across his lips. "You're up early..."
""Not too early, but for a sunday, yeah, I guess so. Were you doing anything today?"
"Mmm ..." seek's voice rumbled across the line as he struggled to clear his head. "No plans." His smile widened, anticipating spending time with Yura. "Do you have something in mind?" he asked shyly.
"I'm supposed to do some fabric shopping for the costumes, Aya gave me a list that he claims not even I can screw up" he laughed. "And Sakito wants me to pick some stuff up from sthe seamstress. Other than that, I thought I'd just be around town, as I don't have work today. Maybe we could even practice tonight?" he asked hopefully.
seek smiled, a shiver running down his spine. "I ... that sounds like a good idea," he said softly. "It feels like it's been longer than it has, you know?"
"Yeah." Yura said softly. "So should I come over?"
"Yes," seek said with more enthusiasm than he thought possible so early into his morning. He blushed. "I mean ... I'd like that."
Yura chuckled. "I'll be right over as soon as I find some pants and that list."
"Oh, okay." Images, spawned by that last particular statement, flickered their way through the bassist's head before he could summon the decency to be embarassed about it, and the blush deepened. "I'll, um, see you then?"
"Sure." Yura said, and hung up. Seek turned to face Susu, who was eyeing him strangely. seek knew he must still be red as a beet. "What?" he asked defensively, forcing his gaze back to the ruins of food still left to be choked down on his plate.
"What's up with you?" Susu asked, puzzled.
seek shook his head a little too quickly. "Nothing," he said, attempting to force himself into composure.
"Takuma" Susu began, giving him a serious look. "You've been acting really weird this week, you know?"
seek looked at his brother, his eyes carefully neutral, guilty for hiding his happiness from his brother. The guilt was compounded by the fact that Susu was serious enough to refer to seek by his name -- it was a rare thing. seek smiled faintly. "I'm sorry, Susu. It's just ... this band thing is turning out to be a lot more complicated than I'd originally bargained for, you know?"
Susu's brow furrowed. "Wanna talk about it?"
seek sighed softly. "Not now, Susu. I'm still trying to sort it out in my own head. But ... I'll tell you about it as soon as I can, okay?"
Susu caught his brother's arm as he walked past hurriedly. Susu was not going to let this go so easily.
seek looked toward his brother, the first hints of fear beginning to show in his dark eyes. "Susu. Please..."
Susu shook his head. The last time he'd seen his brother like this was the last night he'd ever seen his mother. "I love you." he said quietly, not knowing what else to say or do."tell me..."
seek sighed, sensing his brother's desperation. He'd reacted wrongly, and now Susu was really worried, probably thinking that his brother was in trouble or something. He reached out, drawing Susu into his arms, resting his chin against the top of Susu's head. "It's nothing bad, Susu, I swear it to you. I just ... I don't know. I don't think it's something you'd want to hear, anyway." He smiled sadly, his gaze moving to a random picture in the hallway.
"Tell me.." murmured Susu. Since he was old enough to talk, the persistant method had never failed with his brother. seek was the only family Susu had, and if he was in trouble, Susu needed to know.
seek leaned back, hiding behind his hair. "Susu ... I won't lie to you. I'm not in any trouble, I promise. I just ... you won't want to hear it. Please, please understand..." His mind was racing, trying to find a way out of this potentially messy situation. He hoped Yura would get here soon -- perhaps his presence would be enough to save seek ... for now.
Susu gave him a stern look. He had always been the more stubborn of the two ... seek could not escape that determined gaze.
"You don't want this." seek said softly. "You don't want this, Susu. Please, don't ask this of me. I don't want ..." he sighed heavily, and looked down. "I know that you love me. You know that I love you, a lot. More than anyone else, and that's never going to change. But ... I know that there's things that you really don't like, and this is one of those things."
Susu hugged him tightly, shaking his head. He despised seek keeping things from him. "I was the one who told you to do this. Now trust me."
seek bit the inside of his cheek, looking at his brother, as closely as he ever had. What he was about to say could change everything between them. He closed his eyes, trying to choke down the fear that was threatening to overwhelm him. He didn't want to lose his brother ... not for something like this. As much as he wanted to trust Susu would be okay with whatever seek chose in life, he still clearly remembered the things that Susu had said over the last few days. His disgust as he asked if Aya was 'queer' ... he turned away. "Fine. If it's that important to you ..."
"Fuck." seek rarely used profanity, but I felt like it now. A lot. "There's someone coming over in a little while, Susu. Someone I like. A lot."
Susu startled, jumping back from his brother at his sudden brashness. "And?" he asked.
"You'll see," seek said miserably, and moved towards his bedroom. "I have to get dressed."
"Takuma!" Susu called. "please..."
"Please be kind," seek pleaded softly before disappearing behind the door, the noise echoing down the hall as it clicked shut. seek sighed again and looked towards the window, feeling his energy leave him as he fought the urge to just crawl into bed and hide from everyone. He felt like an asshole.
Barriers? Ha. Susu pried open the door, following his brother inside. He wanted to hug his brother, but his body was taught as a wire. Susu was half afraid that seek would lash out at him, so he simply waited.
The feeling got worse as he felt Susu's eyes bore into his back as he slid into a pair of loose pants and dug a soft blue shirt out of his closet. He tried to think of something to make the situation less intense, but his mind was racing and he couldn't hold on to a solid thought for more than a few seconds. He felt completely helpless under his brother's discerning gaze, and he didn't know how to fix the mess he'd gotten himself into.
Susu watched his brother dress silently, the tension hanging thick in the stuffy air. The doorbell rang, and Susu stood aside, not wanting to answer it, not wanting to be caught in the storm. Curious though he was, he waited patiently for seek to make the next move.
seek sighed once more, unable to meet his brother's eyes as he moved closer. Hesitantly, he touched Susu's shoulder, then walked past to the door, pausing a moment to compose himself and conjure the best smile he could.
He opened it.
Yura stood smiling, a hand on his hip balancing an executive folder filled with papers and instructions. "Hey," he smiled. seek could feel Susu's prescence near and he tried not to flinch.
"Hey, Yura. It's good to see you again." He meant it. He tried to let Yura's presence ease the tension he felt. He lowered his voice. "I missed you, a lot."
Yura's gaze softened, just slightly. He smiled over seek's shoulder. "Susu? Hey, kid. how's it going?"
Susu shuffled his feet. "Er, good, I guess."
seek bit at his lip rings nervously, finally summoning the courage to look towards his brother. I'm sorry, he thought forlornly, pleading with his eyes for Susu to understand, and if that was too much, to accept.
Susu met seek's eyes questioningly, as if he was silently asking seek if he were mistaken, if this were some sort of joke. not finding an answer there, he bowed slightly. "Well, er, I'll let you guys get going and do...whatever you're gonna do. I have to get going on my paper."
"I'll see you later, Susu" seek said softly, a note of defeat in his voice. Carefully, he touched Yura's arm, moving towards the door.
Yura turned to seek, the door closing behind them. He let seek take his arm, and looked at him worriedly. "What's wrong?" he asked softly.
seek shook his head slowly, taking a deep breath once out of the oppressive air of his apartment. "Nothing, really. Susu and I just had a bit of a ... misunderstanding. It'll smooth over soon enough." I hope, he added mentally. He'd never once dreaded coming home before, but right now he was nervous even thinking about it.
Yura looked concerned, and pushed back seek's hair. "You're so troubled lately.." he murmured.
seek leaned into Yura's touch, feeling the tension ease as Yura touched him. "I'm sorry," he apologized softly. "It's just ... a lot of things are happening. I'm ... I'm glad you're here, though."
Yura drew seek into his arms comfortingly, and seek was glad that no one was around. At the same time, he felt awful for being ashamed of this... "Stop apologizing" he chided, squeezing seek and letting him go with a smile.
"Thank you." he whispered. "Thank you, so much. You're amazing. Did you know that?" He smiled again, an honest smile this time.
Yura blushed slightly, and he bowed his head."thank you." he grinned. "Now, tell me what's wrong."
seek frowned slightly. "I -- oh, man. Susu wanted to know what was up after I got off the phone with you. He was kind of persistent, and so ... I told him to see for himself. I think he's a little shocked. I just .... I hope he understands." He sighed and bowed his head, hiding behind thick blue hair in a familiar gesture.
Yura blinked."He doesn't know about us, and you just...dropped it on him? no wonder the kid's confused." Yura frowned."He's a good kid,seek, he'll understand."
"I -" seek nodded. "I know. It's just that ... I hope you're right. I didn't know how to tell him, Yura. And I wanted to tell him everything, about how wonderful you are, and how much I love you, but ... I couldn't say anything at all."
Yura felt his heart clench. seek was so giving, so emotional...it was like nothing he had ever known. This relationship was getting too deep, too fast...yet he didn't want to fight it. "Let's go." he said quietly."It'll be better later, when he has time to think about it, but I think...we should talk to him."
seek nodded, moving closer to Yura as they descended to the ground below. "I guess you're right," he said softly. "I just worry a lot. Especially when it comes to Susu."
"I know." said Yura. "If you want me to talk to him, I will, but I think he really needs to hear it from you first."
"It wouldn't be fair to put it on you," seek said, looking to the blond. "I figured it might be easiest for him to see for himself first, I guess. He'll have some time to think about it. He just ... god, I hope he understands."
"He loves you, right?" Yura asked. "He'll understand. I was worried to the point of being sick when I told my mother, and I dragged it out for ...it must have been an hour...and all she could say was 'that's all? you scared me!'" Yura laughed. "She thought I had some disease, or that I'd knocked some girl up, or had the Yakuza after us."
seek laughed, though the initial sense of unease failed to disappear completely. "You're right. I should trust him. I mean ... he is my brother." He smiled, then slipped his hand over Yura's. "So, what are we off to do first?"
Yura pulled out the papers."First, we're going to pick up the fabric order, then we're picking up the custom pieces," he said. "Then we'll drop them off home, sound okay?" He led the way down the street, stopping into the fabric store to discuss the order with the clerk. It seemed Aya had called ahead, so it was a fairly easy task. "I wonder how this custom stuff is hgoing to look on us?" asked Yura, running his fingers along the fabric samples as they waited for their order to be rung.
seek looked at it, curious but not really knowledgeable about the whole thing. "Um," he cocked his head. "I don't know. I imagine I probably won't be wearing a lot of whatever it is, though."
"I can't wait." Yura said softly, as he held the door open for seek.
seek blushed. "I heard that."
Yura smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he laughed. "Come on, then." he said. "Let's go get those new clothes." Yura let his eyes trail over his handsome companion. No, he wouldn't mind seeing more of seek's body at all.
seek felt both intimidated and happy underneath the blond's scrutinizing gaze. It was his opinion that Yura was an incredibly beautiful man, but Yura's eyes were reflecting that same sentiment. "Sure," he said quietly, a smile coming to his face as he followed the drummer.
Picking up the costume pieces was an even easier affair. Yura smiled at seek over the boxes. "Well, we should drop thse off, eh?" he asked.
seek nodded. "And then what..?"
Yura laughed. "That's entirely up to you." seek blushed again, their previous conversation fresh in his mind
Propping his chin in his hand, he looked around and thought about that a while. "I don't know. I don't care, as long as you're there. Someplace quiet, though, I think."
"Home might be quiet" Yura mused.
"Yours or mine?"
"Yours might be quieter." he laughed.
"Depending on who's there." seek thought about that a minute. What if Susu was home?
It had to be done anyway ... "My place, then," he said.
Yura nodded. "ok then, lets' go."
seek grew quiet for a moment, thinking about what might occur. "Ne, Yura?" he asked softly.
"Mm?" the blond looked at him curiously.
"If Susu doesn't like this ... are you going to be okay with that? I mean ... I can handle it, but if he's going to be rude, then ..."
"I'm more worried about you." Yura said, frowning. "Takuma...are you really okay with this? I don't want to complicate your life, and your brother is all you have. I don't think I'm worth that risk."
"Yura." seek's voice was firm. "I don't want you to think that I'm having any doubts, because I'm not. I love my brother, but he isn't the only one. You didn't ask for this. I ... my feelings haven't changed at all. You are worth it -- you're worth is more than I can even begin to explain to you..." He smiled shyly at the drummer. "I mean it."
Yura grinned then. "Crazy boy," he whispered fondly. "I have a thick skin. If things get bad, I can always leave. I don't really blame him if he is rude, though, we sprung this on him with no warning..."
"My bad," seek said softly, conjuring a weak smile. "I don't want you to leave. Ever."
Yura chuckled. continuing the walk to seek's apartment.
seek walked a little faster, falling into step next to Yura, hesitantly reaching out to wrap an arm around the other's waist. "I ... think it'll be okay. We'll just have to see. I guess it's kind of silly to be worried about it, now."
Yura blinked, surprised to see seek show affection in public. Yura made no attempts to hide what he was, he would be affectionate no matter who his partner was, male or female. seek, on the other hand...the boy honestly confused him. Still, he let seek's hand rest on his hip as they walked.
seek directed them both down the sidewalk that narrowed into a more traditional path as they entered the complex's property. He stopped on the bridge over the koi pond. "Just a minute," he promised, releasing Yura to dig in his pockets for a small container. "I haven't fed them today."
Yura watched seek pull a small container of pellets from his jacket and feed the koi, whitling and murmering to them as they ate. Yura should have been surprised, but he wasn't...seek seemed to mother everything.
seek watched the fish thoughtfully, a smile coming to his face. "No one seems to pay much attention to them," he said, directing his attention to Yura. "It's a shame. They're so beautiful ... I used to come down here and talk to them all the time."
"You're good to them." Yura stated, watching the fish gobble the pellets. "And thay are beautiful."
"They look lonely, too," seek said softly, then smiled, directing his gaze to the building ahead. "Let's go."
Yura followed him up the stairs, wondering just how badly this could go. He felt calm inside however, and hopeful. Susu was a good kid. seek had raised him, after all.
seek paused outside his door, waiting for Yura to catch up before taking Yura's hand in his, kissing the palm softly. "I really meant everything I've ever said to you," he said, smiling. "I ... no matter what, I'll still feel the same." He released Yura's hand and let his own hover over the door knob, gathering strength before entering the storm.
He entered an empty living room. he could hear the softy clicking of a keyboard, Susu was inside, most likely diligently working on his paper.
The blue-haired bassist glanced around one last time, moving nearer to Yura, partly for support but mostly because he loved being next to the beautiful blond. "He must be studying," he whispered, a faint smile crossing his face.
"Go talk." Yura said. "I think he needs it."
"But ... you ..." seek didn't want to leave Yura. After a moment, he sighed in defeat. "There's coffee and stuff to eat in the fridge. I'll be out as soon as I can, okay?"
"Take you time." Yura smiled, heading towards the kitchen.
seek gave Yura a grateful smile as the drummer began to walk away, then turned and began to walk towards where he knew Susu would be, each step seeming to echo his imminent doom.
Susu didn't look up from the screen as his brother entered, his fingers continuing to fly across the keys. seek held his breath -- he knew Susu knew he was there, but wasn't sure if the boy would even wish to speak to him at the moment. He fought hard not to turn and walk away then, holding his ground. He needed to know how his brother was feeling. Neither of them did well under such potentially hostile situations.
"Well?" Susu asked, turning from the keyboard.
seek flinched visibly. "Susu ..."
Susu raised his etes to his brother. "Why don't you ever talk to me anymore?" he asked, angrily, yet sadly at the same time.
seek bowed his head. "I'm so sorry, Susu. I just ... I didn't know what to say. I don't know how. Things have gotten so complicated, and it's my fault, but ... I don't want to lose you, Susu." He paused for a moment, then continued, "I'm afraid, Susu, afraid for the first time in my life that I'm really doing something you're not going to like, or understand, and I don't know how to handle that. So ... I haven't said anything at all. I'm so, so sorry ..."
Susu frowned. "We're in this together." he growled. "I don't care what you do, you could be a mass murderer and I'd never leave you. But I want to know what's going on seek, I need to know everything you've been hiding."
seek closed his eyes. "I know. I should have talked to you, but there were things that I was asked not to talk about, and then how you reacted to Aya ... I didn't want it to become an issue. I'm sorry, Susu, I should have had more faith, huh?"
"How I..reacted?" Susu frowned. "I just thought you were being naiive. I thought Aya wanted...but you never told me you were gay," he said, accusingly.
seek blanched. "I ... didn't really know either, you know," he said softly. "But then Yura showed up again. We went to High School together, and I guess I had a pretty big crush on him, but it's not like I ran around jumping on random guys, Susu. I'm not like that. But then he showed up, and ... I guess those feelings hadn't changed at all. I've never felt like that about anyone else. Aya is a friend who's been through a lot, but ... I wouldn't. I couldn't. Even if I wanted to -- you can't imagine what he's seen. I can't even begin, and there's things he hasn't told me."
Susu frowned. "So you knew him all this time then? Were you together back then?"
seek shook his head. "No, Susu. I just ... he didn't even know who I was at all. We were in the same band for a while, even ..." he smiled faintly. "It doesn't really matter now, does it?" He asked softly.
"So what changed?" Susu asked.There was no malice in his voice, just curiosity.
"I got to know him," seek said, the smile deepening just so -- the smile of someone in love. "He's wonderful."
Susu sighed. "I guess it seems sudden to me because you've been hiding it." he said. "I was so wrapped up with thinking about Aya that none of the obvious stuff even hit me. Look, seek, I don't care if you're gay, I just... I don't want to lose you." Susu bit his lip angrily. "This guy shows up and all of a sudden you're gone all hours of the day and you skate around talking to me when you are home. I can honestly say I don't know a damn thing about this band that I made you join except that it makes you happy, which is good, but..." Susu trailed off. blowing his bangs out of his eyes in frustration.
seek moved closer to his brother, guilty for the stress he'd put his brother through. "Susu, Susu," he whispered, drawing the younger boy into a gentle hug, "no matter what happens, I'll always be here for you. I've spent so long worrying about how one day I'll let you go ... I can't imagine that ever happening, Susu. I'll always be here -- that will never change, no matter what ... or who ... comes along. I love you, and nothing can ever change that. Forgive me."
Susu nodded, hugging seek tightly. "have you guys done anything?" he asked quietly."How long have you been with him? Do you ..does he..love you?"
seek laughed softly against his brother's shoulder. "Nothing uncivil, if that's what you're asking," he chuckled softly. "We haven't been together that long -- we've only gone out a few times. I kind of dropped my feelings on him, too," he murmured, "I seem to be good at that sort of thing, lately." He sighed softly, pondering Susu's last question. "I can't say exactly what he feels for me. He's never really said anything about it. But ... I hope so."
Susu nodded. "How long are you gonna wait to have sex then?" he asked. "Are you gonna tell people about it? And is Aya going to be mad?"
seek drew back, blushing hard. "Susu!" he said, voice filled with shock. "I can't -- I mean ... wow, Susu. How am I supposed to know? I'm still kind of new at this sort of thing, you know. Aya wouldn't be mad, though -- he likes someone else. And that person likes him a lot, too, so hopefully he'll be able to be happy there."
"So is everyone gay?" asked Susu, his eyes widening, covering his mouth to keep from laughing.
seek turned away, laughing. "It's a whole lot of strange circumstances coming together, Susu," he snickered. "No one can say anything about Tatsuya, though ... I don't know what he's thinking. But ... if a certain person makes another happy, it's okay, right? It shouldn't matter who or what they are."
"So Aya, and Tatsuya? The guy from MYU?" Susu chuckled. "That's...interesting."
"Tatsuya?" seek laughed. "Tatsuya scares the crap out of Aya most of the time, but he's too busy playing daddy to notice anything other than the fact that Aya's a great guitarist, and a hurt person."
"Oh." Susu said. "So that leaves your vocalist, right? Yeah, he seems like someone who's pretty nice. seek, I feel really weird about this. How should I treat your, er, boyfriend?"
"He's a nice guy," seek said. "I'm sorry to do this to you, Susu ... but I can't tell you how to treat anyone. If you want, he'd like to be your friend. But ... if you don't, try not to be too mean about it, okay?"
"I won't be mean." Susu sighed. "I just don't know how serious you guys are gonna be, and if you guys make it work, I might practically have another brother, so I don't wnat to screw it up. I don't know a damed thing about him."
"Then why not get to know him?" seek said softly. Susu was right -- this felt really weird, but satisfying in a way. At least Susu hadn't said mom. "He won't bite," he grinned. "He's the one who had a lot of faith that you'd be cool, you know."
Susu blinked. "Okay." he said slowly."But you gotta promise me that you'll stop leaving me out of the loop." Susu gave him a stern look.
"Promise." seek said softly, patting Susu on the head. "No more secrets. "Well ... maybe a few, but there's probably a few things you might want to hear about even less than I'd want to tell you." He blushed.
Susu nodded, and stood. "Is he here?" he asked quietly.
"He's in the kitchen," seek answered, biting a lip ring.
Susu nodded. "So maybe we should eat then. Together, ok?"
"Together," seek agreed, a true smile, completely free of nervousness surfacing for the first time all day. "Thanks, Susu," he said softly.
Susu smiled, and headed out to the kitchen.